I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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