I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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