The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
