I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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