Are we in a gay sports bar?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
