This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
