Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
it was like eating out sand paper
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
