google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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