coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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