I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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