The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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