dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The best revenge is premature balding
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
