WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
