I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have fence marks all over my body
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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