I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
