no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sorry about my life...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
