Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
