we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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