Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
