I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
