I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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