I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
