When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
