Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
