So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
you never un-have a 4some
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I had to cum in my sink.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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