Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
