the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
