I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
