youre lurking in front of me
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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