Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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