id be glad to
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Randomize
