omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
