Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
