I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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