So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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