You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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