Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
