So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
