do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
