Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
well I can't set my house on fire every night
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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