You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
