I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
