life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
