Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize