Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
barbara walters just said penis...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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