you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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