Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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