I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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