Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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