I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
