I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
