I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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