doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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