I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
try to milk me bitch
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
