Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
