I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize