Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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