Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
