I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
