he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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