i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize