ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Sponge bath it is.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
