evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Apparently you make a good broom.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize