God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
