you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
