I cannot find my penis.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
