At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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