I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
