Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
