Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
