Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
