just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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