you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
