1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
