Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize