a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
